Bunker Busters

We snuck to the edge of the forest. Sandra pointed to the concrete dome in the middle of the field. A few sheep milled around, shading themselves from the summer sun. Timothy lifted his gun. I think he was eyeing one of the sheep. This side mission was not appropriate, and I motioned for him to lower his weapon. He raised an eyebrow. I raised both my eyebrows, and looked over the top of my glasses. He got the message. Sandra made the signal, and we began to inch forward

One foot in front of the other, across the field towards the dome. One of the sheep looked at us with apparent disdain, then went back to chewing its grass. In quick time, we were at the dome, scattering the sheep as we arrived. As expected, the large metal door was on the other side. Timothy holstered his pistol and removed his backpack. Inside were the explosive charges. He placed two on the hinges and one near the handle. Once they were primed, we retreated to a safe distance. We aimed our weapons at the door as Timothy detonated the explosives.

The heavy steel door bounced a little, before dropping out of the frame and tipping forward onto the grass with a dull thud. We waited, and sure enough, three stunned security personnel staggered out of the smoke. Before they could gain their bearings, we had opened fire and dispatched them. We waited for more guards. None came, so Sandra made the call for us to advance.

Through the smoke, we stepped up into the dome. I was first. I let my eyes adjust to the emergency lighting, then carefully made my way down the stairs. I sensed Sandra and Timothy were close behind. At the bottom of the many hundreds of steps, we stopped to gather our bearings. There was a long corridor with several doors coming off it. At the end of the corridor, there seemed to be another door similar to the one we had blown. Thankfully, this was slightly ajar. We made our way towards it.

“You should get ready,” instructed Sandra.

I nodded my agreement, and as we stopped at the second large door, I turned on my GoPro, and retrieved my cellphone to record more video. Best to have two recordings, in case one doesn’t work. As Sandra pulled the heavy door open, I made sure everything was being captured.

Several more flights of stairs later, we seemed to be at the bottom. The bunker had now opened up into some kind of mansion. Everything was immaculate. Apart from all the stairs, the way the lighting was set out, you would have no idea we were so far underground. We listened, and there appeared to be some kind of dance music coming from a room nearby. Timothy took the lead and moved forward towards the sounds.

As we got to the room, we looked through a crack in the door, and saw Peter Thiel dancing with a girl thirty years his junior. His eyes were wide, and her eyes were half closed, not because she was sleepy, she just had that annoyed not-quite-made-it-out-of-her-teens look. Timothy raised his guns. I was still filming, so I couldn’t raise mine. Suddenly, Thiel noticed.

“Vot the hell,” he said.

“Freeze,” instructed Timothy. The annoyed girl looked sarcastically at the gun, then walked past Timothy and out of the dance room. I feel she was thankful we had arrived.

“Are you Peter Thiel?” asked Sandra.

“What?”

“Are you Peter Thiel?” she half yelled again.

“What,” he was very confused, “what, yes, yes, I am Peter Thiel.”

That was all the confirmation we needed. Sandra turned to me as I held my phone to a higher position, making sure I was capturing everything.

“Hey everyone,” Sandra began, “welcome back to Billionaire Bunker Busters, the only YouTube channel that busts into the bunkers of billionaires who’ve escaped out collapsing world to end their days in a hidden bunker. If you haven’t already, hit the like button, smash that subscribe button, and help me in welcoming Peter Thiel to the channel. Peter, hello.”

“Um… hello?”