Checking in with the socials

Bevan opened his phone to the usual social media slurs. He was adamant he was right, and everyone else was wrong, and he wasn’t afraid to say so. The pile on was often unanimous and relentless. This morning was no exception.

You suck.

Nazi.

If God was real, he’d come down out of heaven and send you straight to hell.

And so on.

Bevan made himself a coffee and started the replies.

No, I don’t suck. I am not a vacuum cleaner (quite jovial).

Last time I looked, I wasn’t living in 1930s Germany (factually correct).

God is real, and he loves me more than he loves you, because you’re mean. You meany (although the correct sentiment, potentially not his best work).

It took 47 minutes to reply to all his engagements. He put his phone down, and took his coffee to the microwave to heat up. He then returned to the dining table.

Four hundred and twelve notifications. He was away from his phone for only a minute or so. What could he have said that could have garnered this moment of virality? Then he saw it.

His God is real bleat had received a rebleat from the Christian Lords of God in Heaven television network. Once that had happened, everything had gone crazy. The Lords of God in Heaven had mighty tendrils all throughout social media. Followed by millions, anything they did, their flock followed. Bevan had been flocked.

Scrolling through his notifications, one reply bleat caught his eye.

Genius! LOLZ. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Who was that from? Username: Comedy Uncle.

Bevan looked through Comedy Uncle’s profile. Plenty of slightly amusing content. Typical whimsy of the modern online creator. He decided not to message at this point. Comedy Uncle could be anyone. Any crazy. It was too early in the morning for crazy.

There were another five hundred or so interactions in the time he’d been musing on Comedy Uncle. He scrolled through a few, the general vibe being ultra-religious and in favour of his pro-God stance.

At this point, Bevan had two choices. Either delete the app off his phone, maybe even delete his account, or continue with his satirical profile caricaturing a religious nerd.

Likes and rebleats filled his dopamine cup, so he just wasn’t sure what he was going to do.