Job interview
SIMON: Hello. Thanks for coming in.
APPLICANT: Thanks for having me.
DAVID: I’m David, this is Simon. We’ll be taking you through the interview today.
APPLICANT: Great. Good to meet you.
DAVID: So, I take it you read through the question.
APPLICANT: Yup.
SIMON: Great, then. I’ll kick off. What made you want to apply for the position at our company.
APPLICANT: Well, my friend used to work here.
DAVID: Oh, what was his name?
APPLICANT: Steve Dempsey.
SIMON: Steve? Steve was a legend.
DAVID: Yeah. Remember that time?
SIMON: Do I? He did all of that, then he came into work the next day. Absolute legend.
APPLICANT: Steve said you were both dicks.
DAVID AND SIMON (together): What?
APPLICANT: Yeah. He said you were too eager. Too keen to be cool, but that you were nerds. Huge nerds. I can see why now.
SIMON: Stevie said that?
DAVID: About us?
APPLICANT: Yup.
SIMON AND DAVID (together, sadly): Oh…
DAVID: Did he leave because of us?
Applicant pauses
SIMON (desperate): Did he leave because of us?!?
APPLICANT: He didn’t… he didn’t say. He got another job, I think.
DAVID (to Simon): I hope he didn’t leave because of us.
Simon sighs
APPLICANT: Do you have any more questions?
SIMON: Has he mentioned us recently?
APPLICANT: No. I meant about the job.
DAVID: Did he mention the job recently?
APPLICANT: No. I meant about the job I’m applying for.
SIMON: No. I’m a bit… (trails off)
DAVID: Lost?
SIMON: Yeah. Lost. I didn’t think… (trails off again)
DAVID: Me to…
There are a few moments of silence while David and Simon
SIMON: I think you might as well go. We need a bit of time to…
DAVID: Regather ourselves.
APPLICANT: Well... I would go but… (rips off well attached latex mask, revealing himself to be Steve this whole time)
SIMON AND DAVID (together): STEVE!
STEVE: Hahahaha. You two. What a pair of dicks. I totally got you.
SIMON: You totally got us.
DAVID: But you left.
STEVE: I know.
SIMON: Seven months ago.
STEVE: I know!
DAVID (slowly realising): Hang on… did you… did you quit so you could come back… and… play this trick on us?
STEVE: Yup
SIMON: What?!? That’s a hell of a long game.
STEVE: Tell me about it. I’m living in the car.
DAVID: You’re living in your car?
STEVE: No. I’m living in your car.
DAVID AND SIMON (together): Absolute legend.
All spend several minutes laughing and patting each other on the back.
STEVE: So… um… can I have my old job back?
DAVID: Um…
SIMON: Well…
STEVE: Can I?
SIMON: Well… we were kind of glad when you left.
DAVID: We were going to have to sack you. You were too loose.
SIMON: Too many pranks and not enough work.
DAVID: We didn’t think you were a company player.
STEVE: Oh.
DAVID: But thanks for coming in, but you’re not really what we’re looking for at this time.
SIMON: And thanks for the gag. Great stuff. You totally got us.
STEVE (standing to leave): Yeah. Totally.