Letter Campaign
Dear Sir and/or Madam,
It has come to my attention, and forgive me for saying this, but the branches of your acacia tree are looming somewhat ominously over my driveway. Occasionally, I have parked my Lexus on the drive, only to return to it being covered by three or four leaves. I am certain had the tree been correctly pruned, this problem would not have eventuated.
Are you able to please remove the overhanging twigs, so this problem doesn’t occur in future.
Many thanks and sincerely,
Neighbour.
Dear Neighbour,
No.
Regards,
Me.
Dear Sir and/or Madam,
Thank you for your curt reply. Am I to understand you are refusing my simple request? This is a shame as my Lexus needs to be parked on the driveway so the neighbourhood notices I own a Lexus. Are you amenable to be hiring an arborist to trim the required zones? I can then send you the bill.
Please advise of your requirements,
Regards and sincerely,
Neighbour.
Dear Neighbour,
That won’t be happening.
Regards,
Me.
Dear Sir and/or Madam,
I am confused as to your position. Are allowing me to hire the arborist, but refusing to pay. Or, are you refusing the whole operation.
Please advice,
Regards and sincerely,
Neighbour.
Dear Sir and/or Madam,
It has been a number of weeks since my last letter. You are yet to reply, and I am awaiting to hear from you on this matter. Please write to inform of your plans.
Sincerely,
Neighbour.
Dear Sir and/or Madam,
Last evening I was disturbed to find my Lexus on fire, with flames licking up the side of the tree. I called the fire brigade, and they were able to extinguish the flames. Unfortunately for both you and I, the Lexus and the tree were all but destroyed.
This is a disaster for both my driving, and your tree enjoyment.
If you would like to attend the wake I am planning for my Lexus, I’m sure we could find time to mention the tree.
Sincerely,
Neighbour.
Dear Neighbour,
What a shame to hear of your Lexus burning to the ground, and my tree dying in the same strange and unexplainable incident. Hopefully my dead tree will not cause any issues for the car your insurance company replaces the Lexus with.
I will not be attending the wake.
Regards,
Me.