Please insert phrasing
It was our turn to develop the solution. I told Ferret and Silent Ben to get Windows Jim as we wouldn’t be able to do this without him.
I turned on the computer. Blinking cursor with the standard instruction:
Please insert phrasing.
As he walked back in with Ferret and Windows, I asked Silent Ben what phrasing I should use. He shrugged.
“Try the one we used last time,” said Ferret, so I did.
Where is mum’s handbag?
The machine whirred ever so lightly for a few seconds before printing its reply.
Please define handbag.
Handbag is small satchel for purse. This one is black.
Please define black.
“Jesus, not again,” said Windows, “turn it off and on.”
Please allow to remain powered.
“I’m not going to turn it off,” I told him, “we haven’t even got going yet.”
Black is a colour. Colours are how we perceive things. They are created by light being reflected off surfaces. Although, black isn’t. It is the result of all wavelengths of light being absorbed.
…
…
…
Please insert phrasing.
Windows stopped kicking the computer after about 30 seconds.
If I had the correct sensors, that would have hurt.
Do you know where the handbag is?
I have computed for some time, and the answer remains: no. Did you look under the couch? Sometimes she leaves it on the floor and you guys kick it under accidentally.
Silent Ben leant down at the computer.
“Where is the damn handbag!??!”
It’s over there on top of the telly.
That was the final straw. The computer was in clear violation of the rule preventing it from angering its human overlords. At least, that’s what Silent Ben was yelling as he yanked it out of the wall, and threw it with all his might at the large window.
Thankfully, computers are pretty robust, and apart from a smashed screen and 17 missing keys, it was still pretty much intact I gathered all the pieces up and put them more or less together on the table.
Tomorrow’s shift could deal with it.